Everything Is Fine

Via Rivistastudio.com

"Everything is fine."

That has been my motto this year so far. I say it all the time. It's is what I follow up with any time I tell someone about the difficult situations I get myself into, all the deadlines and expectations I set for myself and struggle to meet.


"I have to finish this massive project by 5pm. It's only halfway done. Everything is fine."
"Two of the four actors in this scene have the flu and can't film today. Everything is fine."
"My lease ends in July but I don't have a summer job or a person to sublease my apartment yet. Everything is fine."


Everything usually turns out fine. At least, I think it will. I pretend it will.


 "Ignore your problems until they go away" has been my policy for the past few months. It's a great policy. It works really well. I'm not secretly worrying about my problems and not actively seeking out solutions for them because I don't even know where to start. Nope. I definitely have a plan of action. Everything is fine.

There are some things that are not in my control, things that maybe could have been if I had planned for it. Coordinating other people to be in the same place as me at the same time, for example, is a logistical nightmare. It's even worse when I do it only two days in advance because that's the earliest possible time I can have my own life together. That would mean admitting I am struggling, admitting I am struggling with a lot more than I am letting on, which is a lot to dump on people. Don't worry about me. Everything is fine.

This year I learned how just unprepared I am for grad school (which is why I haven't yet applied for grad school), why I should prioritize exercise more, and why I should get out more. Most of all, I learned that I wanted someone else to do hard tasks for me. I learned that I can't do everything all by myself. I can't. Celebrities have athletic trainers, managers, and personal assistants to keep them on track. If I could afford a life coach, I would hire one. If I didn't have the world's best executive team for Student Television, I don't think STV would be as well-positioned for future success as it is and I would certainly not be as sane as I am now. I learned that I never want to make another short film, or feature film or TV show for that matter, unless I have a full-fledged production crew and a sizable budget. I learned that I should ask for help more often, because unless I ask, people will generally assume that everything is fine.

Learning how to plan and break down big goals into small, manageable tasks is my new objective. The English-teaching program in France I am doing in the overseas of la Réunion in the fall will be an experiment in preparation and planning for me. That was a very casual way of threading in this new travel blog and the fact that I got a job as an English-teaching assistant in France (sort of France). I'm not as worried about being in on a tropical island with an unfamiliar culture and lifestyle for a whole school year as I am about the teaching part. As I said, it will be an experiment in preparation. If and when I blog about it, be prepared to see the phrase everything is fine or ça va.

The only thing I tell people about and don't follow up with "everything is fine" is that I'm graduating from college. That's the immediate thing I am the most excited and least worried about. I have a cap. I have a gown. I've passed all my final exams. The goal has been successfully achieved. Being done with undergrad is actually fine.