I am worried that I have a stress fracture on my right shin, or worse: a broken leg. I can not walk on it without feeling pain. I ran too hard these past two weeks, and now, as well as before, I am paying for it. I thought at first, "this hurts, but they're just shin splints, they'll go away as I run." They did not go away, and actually became worse. I kind of like the attention of having an injury, but at the same time, it is also immensely embarrassing. I sort of pity those who have injuries, but I don't really care that much. It seems like no big deal, socially, to have a broken leg or stress fracture.
When I think about it, though, all I can focus on is what I wouldn't be able to do. If I have to get a cast or crutches, I won't be able to drive to school (because I need my right foot), I won't be able to run with the team, and I will not be able to make it to the bathroom and go to class within five minutes. People with injuries don't get special treatment. My left shin hurts plenty, too, but I can still put weight on it. It hurts in the same place that my right shin does. What if my left shin has a stress fracture, too? What if I have two stress fractures, and have to wear a cast on each leg? I can just imagine what would I would look like, the girl with Frankenstein feet, clomping into class like an awkward clown. If it would require a wheelchair, I would be mortified to look and feel so helpless and slow. People would stare at me and think, "oh, look at that girl in the wheelchair, she can't walk or do anything. She might be nice and all, but that wheelchair would hold me back from my other friends."
I suppose that what I am really afraid of is being held back. I do not want to feel vulnerable and dependent. I desperately wanted to be one of the varsity athletes, but if my legs do not get better, I might not even be able to run until the spring! I feel cut off front my teammates after five days already. (After looking at horrible images of bones that have totally snapped, though, I really hope that nothing is broken.)
I know what the strong person does. She says, "Awe, man! Oh well, I better find a way to make it work." That is what I may have to do.
P.S.- My next post will be more eloquently written.
When I think about it, though, all I can focus on is what I wouldn't be able to do. If I have to get a cast or crutches, I won't be able to drive to school (because I need my right foot), I won't be able to run with the team, and I will not be able to make it to the bathroom and go to class within five minutes. People with injuries don't get special treatment. My left shin hurts plenty, too, but I can still put weight on it. It hurts in the same place that my right shin does. What if my left shin has a stress fracture, too? What if I have two stress fractures, and have to wear a cast on each leg? I can just imagine what would I would look like, the girl with Frankenstein feet, clomping into class like an awkward clown. If it would require a wheelchair, I would be mortified to look and feel so helpless and slow. People would stare at me and think, "oh, look at that girl in the wheelchair, she can't walk or do anything. She might be nice and all, but that wheelchair would hold me back from my other friends."
I suppose that what I am really afraid of is being held back. I do not want to feel vulnerable and dependent. I desperately wanted to be one of the varsity athletes, but if my legs do not get better, I might not even be able to run until the spring! I feel cut off front my teammates after five days already. (After looking at horrible images of bones that have totally snapped, though, I really hope that nothing is broken.)
I know what the strong person does. She says, "Awe, man! Oh well, I better find a way to make it work." That is what I may have to do.
P.S.- My next post will be more eloquently written.
