This year my new year's resolution is "no BS." That includes not taking bullshit from anyone and not giving anyone any bullshit. That means no relationship drama, no friendship drama, no work drama, none of that. That also means actively avoiding putting myself in situations that will create drama.
Another resolution I have is to do something that scares me.
One of the things that I did that scared me a little- irrationally, perhaps -was participate in protests. So far I went to an undocumented immigrant protest on inauguration day, and I also participated in the refugee ban airport protest. What scared me about participating was not so much fear of getting arrested (because let's face it, I'm a white woman and thus don't pose as much of a symbolic threat to white men as other people do), but...fear of being seen. Fear of being seen as taking a stand. Acting. My parents always encourage me to be careful when engaging in any kind of disruptive activity. Isometimes often feel like my peers would not actively stand with me if I decided to participate in another protest or march. Lack of support is scary. At the airport protest and at the inauguration day protest, though, I had friends. And there were TONS of people rallying against injustice. So I felt secure in chanting amongst the throngs of people. But when it's just a few, it's scary. But you have to do it anyway because if you really care about the cause, then you have to stand up for it on your own volition. Aiming to do more of that in the future.
Another thing that I am doing that absolutely terrifies me is making a short film. It's a massive undertaking and it's scary because I feel like I am doing it alone. I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing or if my plan is working or if any of the people I reached out to are ever going to help me. Asking for help has always been kind of scary, more so in the past year or two than before, because I know I need it. It's stupid and irrational to think that asking for help is a sign of weakness, I know it's a sign of strength, but for me it is so hard to ask people for things. I feel like I don't have a large social network, or I'm reluctant to exploit the one I've got.
It's irrational, I know. Part of me is terrified because I might get rejected. I've gotten rejected when I desperately needed assistance before. I once was in a situation where I was left alone to carry two people's worth of film equipment all the way across campus. It was dark and it was about to rain and I was outside with all the equipment. I knew I couldn't handle this much stuff on my own and I couldn't just leave half of it sitting around (camera equipment is EXPENSIVE), so I called and texted ten different people who I knew had access to cars or might otherwise be available. One that I asked was sick and about to go to bed. Another I asked said she would, but she just got home and kind of wanted to make dinner. Another was at work and said she wouldn't be able to help out for three hours. Several others did not respond to my messages. Exhausted and miserable, I waited an hour and a half until the other person whose equipment I had with me could come meet me and help me carry it, which I was grateful for.
But anyway, I'm doing things that scare me. I'm asking strangers and friends alike to help me (in a way that doesn't necessarily help them in return), to spend time on me, which I would rarely ask of anyone. Last spring I blogged about empathy and how much I appreciate it and strive to be empathetic. This spring, my goal is to be more generous. It's a daunting test of relationships and bonds: who will make time for me? And how can I ever express how grateful I am for their generosity?
last edited Feb 5 2017
Another resolution I have is to do something that scares me.
One of the things that I did that scared me a little- irrationally, perhaps -was participate in protests. So far I went to an undocumented immigrant protest on inauguration day, and I also participated in the refugee ban airport protest. What scared me about participating was not so much fear of getting arrested (because let's face it, I'm a white woman and thus don't pose as much of a symbolic threat to white men as other people do), but...fear of being seen. Fear of being seen as taking a stand. Acting. My parents always encourage me to be careful when engaging in any kind of disruptive activity. I
Another thing that I am doing that absolutely terrifies me is making a short film. It's a massive undertaking and it's scary because I feel like I am doing it alone. I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing or if my plan is working or if any of the people I reached out to are ever going to help me. Asking for help has always been kind of scary, more so in the past year or two than before, because I know I need it. It's stupid and irrational to think that asking for help is a sign of weakness, I know it's a sign of strength, but for me it is so hard to ask people for things. I feel like I don't have a large social network, or I'm reluctant to exploit the one I've got.
It's irrational, I know. Part of me is terrified because I might get rejected. I've gotten rejected when I desperately needed assistance before. I once was in a situation where I was left alone to carry two people's worth of film equipment all the way across campus. It was dark and it was about to rain and I was outside with all the equipment. I knew I couldn't handle this much stuff on my own and I couldn't just leave half of it sitting around (camera equipment is EXPENSIVE), so I called and texted ten different people who I knew had access to cars or might otherwise be available. One that I asked was sick and about to go to bed. Another I asked said she would, but she just got home and kind of wanted to make dinner. Another was at work and said she wouldn't be able to help out for three hours. Several others did not respond to my messages. Exhausted and miserable, I waited an hour and a half until the other person whose equipment I had with me could come meet me and help me carry it, which I was grateful for.
But anyway, I'm doing things that scare me. I'm asking strangers and friends alike to help me (in a way that doesn't necessarily help them in return), to spend time on me, which I would rarely ask of anyone. Last spring I blogged about empathy and how much I appreciate it and strive to be empathetic. This spring, my goal is to be more generous. It's a daunting test of relationships and bonds: who will make time for me? And how can I ever express how grateful I am for their generosity?
last edited Feb 5 2017
