Let me preface this by saying that this is a long post. Thanks in advance for reading.
Last spring was personally and academically overwhelming, and this semester hasn't been easy either, but I was and continue to be grateful to all the generous people who have offered up their time, services, and understanding to make my life a little easier. Feeling drained and exhausted all the time reminded me that other people around me might feel that way too. I wondered if they needed someone to talk to- not someone to complain to, just someone who would listen without judging them for their personal flaws, ignorance, lack of social life, etc., and someone who wouldn't point out the obvious as a "solution." (*See example at the bottom of the post.)
I don't think I have been actively listening to the people around me as much as I should have in the past week or two, and I want to make a more conscious effort to be available to my friends, coworkers, and community members as someone who is here to listen and to help. Even if we're not close, I will never be too busy to make time for you. I will never be too busy to give you a hand with whatever you may need. I am willing to do your laundry, vacuum, run errands for you, make you food, drive you to and from school, edit a video or at least take a look at it, talk about relationships, stay up late with you, do all the things I wished I had asked other people to do to help me with, the everyday things I didn't feel like I had enough time or energy to accomplish.
It's really important to me to make time for other people, as there have been so many times where others have decided that they cannot make time for me. Although I may never have had to struggle with what you're struggling with, I know exactly what it's like to feel like no one understands you're going through.
Sometimes it's hard to tell people about your struggles.
- It's hard because you don't want people to know that you are struggling in the first place, because you want other people to see you as happy and successful and pulled-together. And you want to be someone they can rely on.
- It's hard because you are afraid that people won't understand your problems. And they'll just say, "yeah, that sucks" about something that has been eating away at your soul.
- It's hard because you are afraid that they won't care. We all have problems, right? Deal with it. I have problems, but I'm not complaining about them. Actually, let me tell you about my problems instead of listening to yours...
- It's hard because you are afraid that people will judge you for your problems. (Example: me being afraid of getting judged for not knowing that I needed to know something that to others is intuitive.)
- It's hard because you are afraid that the people you open up to will give you "advice" instead of actually helping you, even if they mean well. You fear that their suggestions will make you sad because you feel like it's impossible to follow right now.
- It's hard because you think they will care, and get really scared for you (and freak out) when all you really want from them is calm, compassion and assistance.
- It's hard because you are afraid that they will care but they won't know what to do to help you.
- It's hard because they might tell you something like "I'm sorry to hear that. Things will get better for you soon." But that doesn't make right now any less terrible.
- It's hard because what you're dealing with might be caused by something that is out of your personal control, and it feels like maybe there really is nothing you or anyone else can do to make it better. At least not in this very moment.
- It's hard because you're afraid to ask people to do things for you that normally you'd be able to do yourself. It's hard because you're afraid that they'll be too busy to help you out when you actually can't do something all by yourself. (In my experience, sometimes friends are too busy or unavailable when you can't do something all by yourself and need help. But they are usually very willing to help out.)
People like my closest friends, like the UNC Sport Club officers, like Jan Yopp (Dean of UNC's Summer School) who helped me carry a lighting kit halfway across campus on October 6th, like my professors, my Student Television, Campus Rec, and Marathon team members who care about helping one another thrive and grow... I strive to be as generous and as understanding as they are. I feel relieved now, maybe even relaxed, because all the hardest things in my semester are done, but I couldn't have made it through without the people who listened and helped me out. Even the smallest gestures of kindness, compassion, generosity, and empathy go a long way.
